I’ve been meaning to ask everyone something lately, but just haven’t really gotten around to it. You know, what with all the weird winter weather, snow days, make up days, power outages, moving in the middle of winter stuff, things have just completely gotten out of hand! Anyway – you simply cannot change the weather, so there you have it. Back to the question I’ve been wanting to ask – do you think that people have become overly sensitive about things or do you think that we are finally focusing on issues that need to be talked about that people are still very uncomfortable talking about, so others cry “hypersensitivity” to avoid talking about it? Just wondering.
I don’t know if I really want to have a big discussion about it, but I go back and forth on the issue with different things. I’m certainly not on the side of these men who are bawling their heads off about being worried about their every movement because of the #MeToo movement! Idiots. If you aren’t being an asshole then you have nothing to worry about, right? Women have had to worry about their every movement forever, and not for the same reasons…we have had to worry about violence, shame and ridicule for just walking out the damn door – some of us for just being at home with a violent partner! Why? Because somehow along the way someone said we deserved it! Ugh…too big of a topic for such a short visit. My point of bringing up the topic was hypersensitivity – am I being oversensitive? Or is this a topic that bears microscopic and vehement ongoing discussion?
I spent Saturday with the folks. We had a good time. We fixed up the ice maker in their refrigerator and drank up quite a few beers in the process. We lamented the loss of some beautiful family members, laughed about the good old days and enjoyed swapping stories of our current babies that bring us joy. We didn’t solve any world problems, but we were able to let go of some sadness and grief that had been weighing heavy on our hearts. You have to do that sometimes…pour some lightning into the fire and just let it burn out. Pushes the five stages along and you share in the sadness, the joy and the loss. Grief is a fickle emotion and everyone has their own way of walking that path. Thankfully, the folks and I have a similar way of dealing with it that lends itself to sharing, loving and remembering the good. Not just the memories, but the good still to come. Life is meant for the living and death reminds us that life is precious and that we should always be open to new experiences, more love and extreme happiness. Holding on to grief means that you are holding on to death – at least that’s how I see it. Like I said, everyone has to walk their own path…but I don’t want to spend my life grieving for what I can’t have or who I can’t be with. Being present and living is real and I can wrap my head around real.
I didn’t get much done in the new homestead this weekend because of the lamenting and all – spent the better part of Sunday on mom’s couch lamenting a headache and dehydration! By the time I made it through the snow-covered roads to my own couch, I was starving, needed a shower and went right back to bed! I’m too old for that much lamenting…yikes. Poor Jerry tried to cook while I was away – without much success, but things were edible enough that I could fashion a salad, some pasta and a couple of slabs of meat for supper. My kitchen looked like a cyclone hit it! How can one man destroy a kitchen in one day? Seriously? When I left late Saturday afternoon, there was only one small baking sheet in the sink…when I returned Sunday evening? Every pan AND lid, bowls, silverware, glassware, bakeware, wooden spoons – knives – I don’t even know what he used the juicer implement for, but it was dirty! The dishwasher was full of clean dishes…not many, but they were clean. Just the two of us live there…how did that happen? I still don’t know. I just went to bed after I had eaten my food. I couldn’t face it. He put food away before he left for work this morning. I filled the dishwasher with what I could before I left for work this morning. However, there are still things that need washed. Really. How did he do that?
I’m still pecking away at laundry. I don’t think I’ve been caught up on laundry since we finally got the washer/dryer hooked up. With the rusty water issues and the electric issues, I can’t seem to pull ahead on cleaning my clothes! Then Jerry had stuff all over in the bathroom to fix the leaky shower door thing…that took better part of week. I’ve finally organized the room, but still behind in the laundry. Do I just ignore stuff and let it get out of hand until I can’t stand it anymore? I think I do. I’ve become a terrible prioritizer and that used to be a good quality I possessed. Now I just don’t give a shit – until I do. Is it an age thing? Could be.
I was supposed to start yoga class and my strength conditioning class today at the YMCA. Thanks to weather I have to put a hold on those. I will go to the Y on Wednesday – not that I can do my classes because I have things scheduled for when the classes are scheduled, but I can do a workout. I have to. I have to do better with this body. I need my energy and health back…I’ve really let this go for too long and I need to turn it around before it’s too hard for me to do it or before something catastrophic goes wrong with it! Buck up, buttercup! HA!
Guess what I’m doing right now? Two things. 1) Succeeding at my goal to write more and every day. 2) Failing at my goal to focus more on the details of my work. I think I’m the only person I know who can succeed and fail in one moment. I have goals, vision boards and checklists. They are all over the place, written by drunk honey badgers and unattainable for even the most earnest of goal minded people. Why did I do that? I coach people to set minimal goals. Set goals that are small and attainable at first, so that they can see the successes build. Then build on those small successes to bigger goals. I can’t even follow my own advice! I’m a terrible life coach….for myself anyway! I’m great for others!
There it is…my dream job. Life coach. Sigh. Make it happy you silly goose! Did you know that geese are really scary mean? I read that somewhere. So, silly goose is really not a ‘thing’. Mean goose is a thing, but I’m not a mean goose. I know, I know….I’m falling deep into my dark, damp pit of avoidance. Ok, it’s not damp, or dry…it’s just dark…very deep and very dark and very avoidance-y. I will also report that it’s cold too. I’m going to go get a blanket and do some work now. Like real work, not writing like I promised I would do more of on my list of goals (winning!).