Well, folks we’ve rounded up to another fall solstice. Harvest Moon was yesterday, so away we go! I know people really get excited for this time of year with all the golden colors, cool weather and fuzzy sweaters, but I’m not quite ready for this autumn. Summer came and went in a blink of an eye for me this year. Mostly because I was working and in a drug addled stupor from those damn anti-anxiety meds. I slept through the whole summer and I don’t remember having any fun. So, I suppose the only thing I can do now is shed that skin and move on…rejuvenate.
I’ve been busy going through closets and dressers giving away clothes that I just don’t wear anymore. That’s really liberating. Almost like giving away someone I used to be. Pencil skirts and tailored pants look so much better on someone who delights in administration. I’m so much more comfortable and happy in my new pieces of roomy tunics, soft leggings, flowy dresses and pretty floral tops with light layers of sweaters. My colors are brighter, softer and everything seems to fit together nicely. Classic pieces with some new accessories. Make up that is natural and lighter. Shoes that fit comfortably, but look cool. I think I’ve finally grown into my own style and I love it!
My puppy arrives on Friday. I’ve been preparing for him in ways that a first time mother nests for a newborn baby. I can’t believe how excited and nervous I am for his arrival! I want to be a good puppy mommy and I hope he loves me! How strange that I feel that way about a puppy, but I don’t have that kind of excitement about people anymore! Could it be that people have let me down too many times in my life? Or maybe that I’ve let them down? I don’t know. I just know that I’m looking forward to having this new adventure with Johnny Cash. I think he and I are about to embark on some pretty exciting new things.
I’m getting through my classes ok. I know I could be doing a lot better, but there’s so much to do and my heart just isn’t in it. I just want it over. There’s also something about taking classes online that takes the element of being connected and accountable out of the equation. l don’t really feel the need to compete for the gold – just get me through the classes and give me the grades I need to continue til I’m done. I miss classmates…but maybe it’s time for me to embrace my own brain and put the effort into this. I also should figure out a way to make my study space a reality instead of complaining about it. I’m truly not a couch homework doer. I need the space to lay everything out. I’ll get there. I’ll get what I need. I always do.
Rejuvenation. I spent Saturday learning, meditating and enjoying the sound vibrations of musical instruments as they passed through my aura. I took journeys, set intentions and let go of fears that I really needed to unload. The place and the people were so spiritual, peaceful and open. Being so available to receive such love and kindness changes everything. I don’t look at anyone or anything the same way. I also don’t take my own feelings for granted. I deserve the love I give. I’m grateful for the love I get and I’m grateful for the love I give. All a win-win.
So here we are at the jumping off place. Really, I’m at the jumping off place – alone. Not afraid of anything. Not looking back because there isn’t anything in the past for me anymore. People have decided to move on or I’ve decided to walk away. That’s just how life is. That may sound tragic, but it’s really very poetic. We stay with what serves us – what feeds our souls, who loves us and who lets us be part of their lives. When someone closes a door and turns the lock, you don’t bang on the door and beg to be let in. If they wanted you, they never would have shut the door in the first place. That, my friends, was a really difficult lesson for me to learn. I was the door banger…I just couldn’t give up. I needed to know why. The reason why is they don’t want you in their life. Turn around and walk away. Don’t be a door banger….
New adventures, new people, new puppy – maybe a new home. We’ll see. I’m following the path that has opened up and so far, so good. There have been some bumps, but only of my own doing. Old habits from an Old Dog. Nothing great comes overnight, but sometimes it does, so I’m going to be prepared and ready. I’m open to whatever comes my way!!!
Except for autumn…jury’s still out on the seasonal change….maybe I need a nap? HA! No. No more sleeping through seasons!