I tend to get a tad bit over excited when I come up with my plans. I want to do great things. I really do. I want to help people and create happiness. However, I need to remind my true self that she needs to get her butt down to earth and get doing something real. Life is happening around me and I need to get busy taking part in it.
Most of the time I want to cocoon myself in my little nest and dream up ways to make people happy. Then there are days when I want to cocoon myself in my little nest surrounded by all my collections of clothes, shoes, camis, socks, bras, underwear, hair accessories, make up, lotions, perfume, scarves, jewelry and pajamas. I also love blankets, soft, clean cotton sheets and lovely quilts topped with lots of pillows. I have those too. I have unfinished craft projects, pictures that need to be put in picture frames and felt that needs to be turned into hats. Journals that need to be colored in with lovely colored pencils that I have safely tucked away in a bag along with adult coloring books and a cool sharpener. I have literally surrounded myself with lots of stuff – stuff I love and it’s lovely and it makes me feel happy and safe. Not really the jam I need for getting out there and making others happy, huh?
I also have a Y membership that needs to be used. Why don’t I use it? If I knew the answer I would be using it. I think my best excuse is that I hate starting that exercise alone and I have to do that all the time and I never stick with it. But as we all know that’s on me. And I can always just be here safe in my little nest – with my stuff AND my food!
Oh, my food!!! Not only do I love my food, I love cooking the food!!! Buying the food, dreaming up new recipes, tasting the flavors as they all meld together and seeing the beauty of the dish as it all comes together! The colors, the smells the flavors! AH! My other happy safety net! I love it! Happy, happy, happy….
I feel so loved and happy. I truly do. Jerry and I have made quite a cool space. What I’m afraid has happened is that I’ve become quite comfy in this little nest. The reality is that I need to be facing reality. I have an interview on Wednesday – doing God knows what, but let’s see what fresh Hell that brings my way! I’ve yet to hear back from United Way and that could be a very good possibility for me. I’ve completed my FASFA like every good aging returning to college student should do AND I’ve been accepted back to WIU QC for the Fall 2018 Semester. So, I guess I’m not doing too bad on the “reality” front.
The other day when I was all excited about my idea of “happy class,” I went out. I met some old friends and then came closer to home and walked to the neighborhood bar and met some, well, interesting people. I couldn’t believe it….here I was thinking about the universe and happiness then I walk into a place of strangers and I’m greeted with, “Hey!!! You look so beautiful and happy!!!” by a very young inebriated woman with thick dirty blond hair that felt damp when she reached out to me with both arms and aggressively hugged me. Then, the woman just started sobbing about her “old man” leaving her! And before I knew what was happening, she quickly pulled away from me and looked at me. I looked at her and said, “Ok, no more tears! We are going to celebrate happiness! That’s why I’m here, don’t you know that?” She just held me tight and said, “I knew that because I’m a Wiccan!!!” How does this happen to me? Ask and ye shall receive!
Today I was in a store and they were playing some great 80’s tunes. Like some serious 80’s tunes that really made me want to stay there all afternoon. The sun was shining into the shop windows, the spring clothes were all pink and yellow and happy. The mannequins even looked like they were enjoying themselves. I felt young, but not weirdly young. Just young enough to feel warm and cozy inside that cool, bright and shiny store. I didn’t buy anything, but I was very happy for the people in that store who were shopping and buying things. What a great moment. Rainbows in clouds.
That was another moment today. Words from Maya Angelou. She said that we should always look for the rainbows in the clouds. I love those words and I like the picture of that in my mind. Maybe all of this warmth and happiness is just my way of being hopeful.