“Getting out of your victim story is an invitation to a more expansive consciousness, one that sees that all of life’s experiences, even the painful ones, help us grow as souls. When the weight of the victim story lifts, the heart opens, compassion blossoms, and opportunities for awakening arise naturally.” ~ Lissa Rankin, M.D. 5 Steps to Letting Go of Your Victim Story
How about that? All in one little paragraph, summed up in a neat, tidy little summary. Telling it like it is – or rather as it should be. I was blown away. I’ve been trying to say this very same thing for weeks now and I don’t think I could have done it justice the way Dr. Rankin did. Honestly, it’s a terrific little article about not being a victim and letting yourself heal naturally.
I’ve been telling myself for weeks now that I’m not a victim and I’m not a survivor. I’m a human being with thoughts, emotions, and all that jazz. We are all human beings with all that jazz, but some of us want to either be a victim or be a survivor. We are either being oppressed or we have survived victimization. What if – hear me out now – we are all just living our lives the way we choose to? I know. No one wants to be a battered woman or a rape victim – that’s something else entirely. What I’m getting at, and what I believe Dr. Rankin is getting at, is that internally we choose a side and that internal guide is what we follow until something comes along and shakes up our beliefs. Then we have to decide if we are being victimized or are we going to be a survivor.
I’ve been living under the assumption for many years that my unhappiness was because of being far away from my family, too close to my family, bad husbands, bad jobs – you name it. What I’ve discovered is that the common denominator in all of those situations I found myself was me. There is and was no one to “blame” or “excuse” my way out of anything anymore. I’ve decided to ‘be’. Just be here in this day and accept the things I can and let go of the things I don’t have to accept – it’s truly a reality – you don’t have to accept a shit sandwich just because someone hands it to you!
I refuse to be the sum of negative language that I say, write and hear. Positivity isn’t an epiphany for Christ’s sake! I’ve just decided to be more mindful of the positive – weigh less on the ridiculous and negative. Well, I LOVE the ridiculous. Inane behavior and absurdity in every day situations is the balm that butters my butt. I love it! I’m just going to write about it without holding it against anyone or against myself. Pointing it out and working through craziness is a task I believe worthwhile. Changing a point of view and bringing forth the absurdity of the negativity can actually turn a frown upside down. I can work with that – because oh, how I love to laugh and to make people smile!
So, I will take care of myself the best I can and work with what I have been given. Everything is a blessing in some way – or a lesson – just depends on your school of thought, I suppose. I may be a bit soft and mushy on the outside, but my smile is so bright you won’t even care. Which is my point – why should anyone care what my outside looks like other than I’m laughing and smiling??? I admire those who persevere over their bad self image, but I think they are missing the point. You can change your outside, but have you changed the inside? If you haven’t, then you will never see yourself as beautiful. You should – you should feel beautiful – even when you are soft and mushy. I think the most beautiful people in the world are the people who are loving, kind, and genuine. Someday, in my world – those people will rule…
In the end, the choice is yours just as it’s mine. Any choice. To be happy, to be sad, to be selfish, to be loving, to be kind – etc….all choices. I’m picking out the good stuff and being those things. I’m sure there will be some “shit storm” I will have to deal with now and again, but I’ve learned to just move through them. Feel the feelings, sit and visit with the darkness and when I’m done, pick myself up and go on. I never stay very long. Just long enough to see how everyone is doing and give them the attention they need, so that they can let me go. I belong in the light. I belong in my life. I’ve chosen to ‘be’.