Three B’s of a Transient

Bins, Boxes and Bags – the three “B’s” of a transient.  Transient: A person that is transient, like a temporary guest. That’s the definition on  I think that we are all transients, don’t you?  Life itself is temporary, but do we really want to get that philosophical?  I don’t.  Jesus.  I spend most of my time either working or trying to figure out what the hell I have got to do next to get through my transient situation.  Let’s review what I’ve accomplished so far:

Quit the awful job working for the Pig Doctor who yelled at me for not being able to read his mind.

Got a new job for a great company that allowed me to move back to my land of family and friends.

Moved all my stuff into storage.  Now my entire material life is in bags, boxes or bins stacked neatly and surrounded by D-Con in a 10′ x 20′ storage unit that used to be the building in which I attended my 6th grade year of elementary school.  Kinda weird, don’t you think?

I’m now camped on the gummy worm, graham cracker crumb couch of no sleep – getting no sleep which makes me extremely ridiculous and punchy all the time.  Most people get that way after a few nights of no sleep – I’m in a semi-permanent state of the ridiculous. However, I think it suits me.

I’ve heard every well meaning canned response to my situation that’s out there.  You know? “Things could be worse!”  “You can only go up from here!”  “God has a plan.”  “You are strong and smart.  You’ll be on your feet in no time!”  Thank you everyone.  Really.  From the bottom of my heart, “THANK YOU!”  However, at this time, I would like to wallow in my self pity, sit in the dark and cry.  I am completely satisfied to curl up in the fetal position and ugly cry because it’s my right to feel these feelings.  I’m not quite ready to move on from the demons that haunt me – right now we are pals and are coming up with a plan to get a tattoo.  They don’t get to visit very often, but I like to show them a good time – it’s only fair since they’ve gone through all the trouble to make me feel useless, depressed and miserable!  We never get good quality time to feel sorry for ourselves, so I’m going to soak in the misery with my demons until my fingers are all wrinkled and pruny.  I’ll know when I’m done and they will have to gather up their hand baskets and go back to the hell from whence they came – but they go when I tell them to not when anyone else decides I’ve had enough.  And…honestly, they are packing up as I type…I get bored with misery and crying.

So, that’s where I’ve landed at this point.  I’m a temporary guest in my own life.  I’ve organized the three B’s, so I can find my clean underwear and bras and I have my good quilt for the couch of no sleep.  So.there’s that.   I have a great job – really.  I have no idea how or when I’m going to realize any kind of monetary rewards, but the excitement and newness is super fun.

Next up is the financial shit storm I have around me.  How things got this bad for me, I’ll never really understand, but thankfully – I have the means to recover and move on from this disaster.  Money can’t buy happiness – say happy people with money.  Money can buy me peace of mind and hopefully, rent.  I’d be good with that….and this car.  That’s all I need and nothing else…well, maybe this pair of shoes.  Yeah. I need rent, this car and this pair of shoes…and, this phone.  Ok, that’s all I need. Rent, this car, this pair of shoes and this phone.  I’m such a “jerk”.

As you can see, dating is the last thing on my mind.  I’ve had some hits on my phone from some past wrecks wanting to mend fences…fences that I built because I wanted to keep the crazy out – big, honkin’ electric fences with razor wire all around – the fish are creative though – gotta give them credit for that.

One guy asked, “C’mon, was the pic that bad?  Admit it. You liked it. What else do you have going for you?” 

Really?  “What else do I have going for me?”  Nothing, dick, but I also don’t have to deal with you, so in this shit storm I’m living in currently, that in itself is a fucking BONUS!

How about the guy that said, “I want to have a wild time.  I don’t care about anything you have going on, just let’s have a wild time.” 

What the fuck is a “wild time”?  I had to ask – c’mon, you know I “had” to ask!!  According to him, a “wild time” involves drinking alcohol and getting wild.  Um. What?  Please go to the corner where the wild things are and leave me alone….electric razor fence – ENGAGED.

If anyone needs me, well, God only knows where you’ll find me.  My bags, boxes and bins are strewn about and the only thing I have that’s solid at this point is my job…which rocks.  Transient life is seriously making me consider just taking off and doing whatever I want – oh, wait, I already do that!  Maybe I’ll take this freak show on the road.  I think I may have an audience for middle aged transient women with good jobs, a car, financial instability and a severe dating handicap.  I can see it – well, I’m living in it, so of course I can see it….but could you imagine the crazy ass bitches in that audience????

Three transients walk into a bar – one orders bourbon, one orders a beer, the third orders a Bloody Mary…the three B’s  – there’s a joke there – I’m going to find it and when I do – I’m going national.  National!!! I tell ya!!! (shaking my fist!)



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