Let.It.Be. I’ve thrown in the towel on my adventures of fishing in the sea of sharks, salmon, carp and catfish. I’ve grown weary of the search…time to swim to shore and just sit on the beach, toes in the sand and a beer in my hand.
I’ve learned something very valuable from this experience – well, I’ve learned many, many valuable lessons. Let’s take a walk along the shore and I’ll impart my new found wisdom.
- People genuinely, whether you choose to believe it or not, do not want to spend their lives alone. From the tattooed aficionado, to the Harley riders, to the toothless – everyone wants to find their other half. As humans, we are not meant for lives of solitude…we are social and need that connection.
- Online personas very rarely match up to the real person behind the profile. I honestly believe that the reason I could never hook a decent fish was because I was myself. I didn’t post pictures from 20 years ago when I looked hot in a bikini, I was honest about the type of person I am and the type of person I wanted to spend my time with. I was not going to do something – like send pictures of my boobs – to some random guy. I wanted substance from my connections – not dick pics and sexual innuendo.
- Through this experience, I really did learn about what kind of behavior I will tolerate (and not tolerate) from a man. I learned that I deserve respect and kindness AND honesty.
- I’ve learned what characteristics are important to me in a partner. I know I appreciate laughter, kindness, patience, understanding and romantic gestures. I want to be with someone that appreciates those things too. Someone who wants to hold hands and kiss for no reason. Just small intimate things. They are important to me.
- I know how important it is to love myself. I know that if I don’t have the patience and love for myself that I can’t give that to anyone else. Loving myself also allows me to be myself and know that I’m fine just as I am. I’ve also learned that having the self esteem and confidence becomes extremely important when a complete stranger passes judgement and says very ugly things to me. I know that is his failing – not mine.
- I’ve said this many times, but being alone doesn’t necessarily make me lonely. I’m a better person for learning to sit with myself and be in the quiet hours of the evening. I’m fine with a weekend of ice cream and Hallmark movies. It’s not pathetic – it’s normal. I would rather be alone and peaceful than with someone who creates unnecessary chaos.
- Through this experience I’ve learned that not everyone will like you. Everyone has an opinion and they are entitled to have them. However, as Rob Zombie says, I’m entitled to not give a shit what you think.
- I know now more than ever before in my crazy ass life, that my family means more to me than anyone on this planet. My children, my granddaughter – parents, brother, sister – aunts, uncles, cousins…everyone – I love them with all my heart and soul. (even when they are mad at me or vice versa) I know that no matter where I am in my life, I will always have people in my corner loving me and supporting me.
- I noticed that my circle of friends expanded, but that its still very intimate. There aren’t many people I trust in this world…and through this experience I’ve learned I shouldn’t trust so easily. I’m more guarded now than I ever was in my life, but maybe that’s because I’m alone now and have to be.
- Hope. Hope is such a wonderful word. Maybe the online experience didn’t pan out for me, but I haven’t given up hope. Somewhere, out there, someone is looking for me – A quirky, funny, honest, loving, affectionate, slightly bawdy, goofy, old dog like me. I’ve just decided to let the universe intervene – put my good vibes and love out there and see what comes back. I have faith, and most importantly, I have hope.
As Ringo Starr sings, “It Don’t Come Easy”. and don’t I know it! My life just seems to be on a never ending cycle of changes – I’m honestly growing tired of it. At some point, things have to fall into place for me, but I imagine that will happen about the time I take my last breath. If I’m not changing, I’m not growing and I’m not learning. Life isn’t meant to stay the same, so as Redd says to Andy, “Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’.” (so prolific right?)