Old Dogs and Cougars

There’s a definite difference between Old Dogs and Cougars. Old Dogs just learn and move on…Cougars hunt and eat their young.  Ok. Maybe cougars don’t eat their young, but they do prefer the young.

Let’s be clear…I’m an Old Dog NOT a Cougar. At one time, I thought that it might not be such a bad thing to date a much younger fish. There was an appeal to dating someone younger. I thought he would be old enough to be past all the weird party stuff, but young enough to still enjoy being out and about AND of course, he would know who the Beatles were (I have my standards and my list).

However, the appeal has completely drifted out to sea. You see, I actually talked a bit with a young fish. At first, (always “at first”) he seemed sweet and kind. He was very cute! He freely admitted that he wasn’t a “party boy” and had hardly ever drank. He told me that he liked being outside, going places and enjoyed summer festivals and outdoor concerts. My God! How delightful! He almost had me. Almost. Because this is where we drifted apart:

Young Fish: I haven’t done much partying. I want to break out of my shell and really experience fun!

Old Dog: But, you don’t drink. What do you consider fun?

Young Fish: I’ve never been to a strip club, saw a wet T-Shirt contest, drank alcohol and swam naked. I want to do it in a public place.

Old Dog: Don’t you have male friends? Why would I want to go to a strip club? I went once and was thrown out for trying to talk the strippers into attending college. Can’t you see a wet T-shirt contest online? For that matter – don’t you look at porn like most men?

Young Fish: I’m shy and want to experience these things with my best friend. Porn just isn’t very exciting.

Old Dog: When did I become your best friend? And again, where are your male friends?

Young Fish: We can go slow and get to know one another.

Old Dog: How do you propose we do that now that I know what your expectations are?

Young Fish: Huh?

Old Dog: Yeah, that’s what I thought.

And yet, I still have hope. A longer list perhaps, but I still have hope.

Must not be 10 year younger than me.

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