So it begins…

When I first started writing a blog, I thought I had something clever to say.  Then I thought I had something clever to say and I wanted to share it.  Now?  Well, now I know what I say isn’t always clever – not even that inspirational – but the difference is – I know I “need” to write.  Not just for others, but for myself.

I find humor in everything.  Even the darkest times of my life, when I didn’t think I could (or can) handle the hardest things, I find the ridiculous, laugh and push through it.  No one can make me happy except me.  A big lesson I’ve had to learn over the past couple of years because I had no one else to lean on for happiness – no one to control or force – to make me happy; well, no one but myself.  It’s a tough lesson when you get to be my age (47 and still holding).

My kids are grown and they’ve become the most inspiring and beautiful people I have ever known.  Knowing that I had a part in that makes me happy.  I have family that loves me and supports me – even when they think I’ve gone off my rocker – they still love and support me.  I have a history with my life that I can’t and wouldn’t trade for all the tea in China.  No one can tell my story because they haven’t lived my story.

What do I share?  At this point in my life, whatever the hell I want to share!  That’s the beauty of having a checkered past and an unknown future.  I can tell a story how ever I want to tell it.  I can tell my story how ever I want to tell it because it’s MY story.  I had an English professor tell me that some day I’m going to have to write about the things I avoid writing about because it just hurts too much to write about.  She said it would help me become a better writer.  I don’t know about that, but I think this is the time.

Not all people, places and things will be completely true – a good writer has to tell it creatively and make the story worth reading, but things won’t be complete falsehoods either.  There’s a story in my life, a story worth telling.  That much I do know.  How I choose to tell it is my business.  How readers choose to use it – well, that’s their business.

I’m starting new.  New life. New job. New home. New people. All with the old dog – me.  A person can learn new tricks…as long as he is willing.  I kinda came to it kicking and screaming because at this point in my life I thought I was starting new and was looking forward to settling into my new life.  However, that’s just not the case.  Turns out I just had some pretty rough lessons to learn.  I’ll share those soon enough, but let’s just say that I’m starting to believe that our lives are just one lesson after lesson after lesson, so on and so forth.

We move along thinking that this is just how things are going to be.  Some of us are content with that and others are not.  I’m somewhere in the middle.  I’m content with the fact that I am not going to ever be satisfied with a quiet, content life.  I need to change constantly.  I need to learn and I need to move.  I need to seek out the why and how comes – I need to know why I am the way that I am.  Sadly, people don’t stick around for that kind of gypsy life, but the ones that do are the ones that keep me searching.

I don’t like labels – crazy, dreamer, unrealistic, etc.  Labels pigeon-hole us into places we don’t belong.  I am just the person I was meant to be.  I am where I should be right now, but I know it’s only temporary.  I do hope that someone will see my worth some day.  I mean that partner that loves the wanderlust and the anticipation of “what will she think of next?” and want to go along with me.  Stand by my side, shake his head and say, “Well, you thought of it, let’s go and see what happens!”  That would be one cool dude in my corner – and I’m willing to wait for that guy.

Anyway, this is the beginning of my new journey.  I don’t know exactly where it’s going to lead or who is going to be willing to tag along, but I’m excited to know that I’ve been given a new path to follow.  I know I’m not the Creator of my path, but I am a firm believer that you listen when a new one is being carved out just for you!!

So, it begins.

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